SYNTHROID [DECEPTICON]

Synthroid is a Decepticon, shaped like the old, portable Casio keyboards. And in the movie, he'd be voiced by Ron Silver.

Okay, okay. Synthroid is not a Transformer. In actuality, it's the yellow pill I'll probably be taking every day at eight o'clock in the morning for the rest of my life.

Last Friday, the 10th, I had an appointment with an endocrinologist. I follow him into his office where we go through the "does he have a thyroid problem" checklist. After I answer "no" to most things, doc looks over the top of his glasses, puts his hand on his chin and leaves me blowing in the breeze of suspense while he looks me over.

Since words weren't enough, doc leads me into an exam room where it's strip-to-my-birthday suit time once again. Of course there was a fancy paper gown waiting for me. Which, I'm sure most of us will agree are the most ridiculous solution to medical office nudity. I'd rather just sit there, boys to the world, than fuss with trying to hop back up on that table and fight to keep the stupid thing on.

Doc rolls in and goes over the routine. Feeling this, poking that, thumping on whatever he needs to thump on. Then he hops up on the table behind me, grabs my neck and in a second goes, "Oh YEAH. This IS Hashimoto's Disease." We really needed to get me in that gown to figure that out? Whatevs.

I get dressed and a nurse comes back in. We'll call her Mistress Natasha because this little old Russian lady performed the most painful blood I've had yet. It was like she sharpened the end of a rain gutter and jabbed in my arm. A week later, it's still bruised. Thank you Mistress Natasha.

When doc comes back in, he makes everything crystal clear for me. He wanted to do his own blood tests because his are more focused than that of my regular doctor. He also drew a nice diagram of how my thyroid works, how anti-bodies are eating my thyroid and the whole circle of life that's going on in my neck. When I left, we decided to wait on pills because there might be a chance that I only had a mild case of the Hashi.

Wednesday's phone call from the doctor would reveal that not to be true. Basically, my anti-bodies have created an army and are whooping on Fort Thyroid. Doc tells me to start pills that night.

So here we are today. I haven't noticed any change in my body or behavior yet, I'm not really expecting to I guess since the problem itself isn't really affecting me very much. And I also spit water all over my computer when I found the Synthroid site has a How to Cope page.

I just wish Synthroid had a good commercial...