SLIOZIS DOT COM

DOODLES

2008-08-26T11:03:00.000-07:00

AND THEN

2008-06-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

...the greatest thing ever happened.

ME & BG

2008-04-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

LOO

2008-02-29T13:29:00.000-08:00

Glen Hansard (actor/composer for Once) on the internet:

"The internet is just a toilet wall. You go inside, you lock the door after you, you write some bullshit about someone, you go out and close the door. I kinda feel like the internet brings out the best and the worst in everybody and basically it's just a toilet cubicle."

Quote from video.

FLAVOR BLAST

2008-02-24T12:04:00.000-08:00

This is a classic favorite of mine. It's probably the best and worst recipe I have. Simply named, "Bologna & Beans."

Add 1T butter to warm skillet.

Dice half a white onion and cook in butter for 5 minutes on low heat.

Cut large bologna into cubes and add to skillet.

Increase heat and cook until hot. Serve with beans (open the can and heat).

Heart attack in a pan.

MOVE-N-ZOO

2008-01-20T21:48:00.001-08:00

Last weekend, Connie and I moved.

We've been casually apartment hunting for a little while. We had finally outgrown the one bedroom and needed to stretch. And, as have been our previous two apartments in Los Angeles, finding the latest was a fluke. We found a great two bedroom literally 450 feet from the front door of our one bedroom. Thursday we looked, Friday we signed the papers, Saturday we packed, Sunday we moved. So I'm sad to say, my ballads of Silver Reign and Roadface and the heel-walking guy above us, are gone.

And this weekend, we neither had the chance to unpack, nor to see any of the new neighbors. We were in San Diego. For Christmas, Connie signed us up for memberships to the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park.

The Wild Animal Park is one of the most amazing places I've ever seen. Connie had signed us up for the Cheetah Run Safari. I've been fascinated* by cheetahs for awhile and this exhibit was an amazing experience.

The zoo takes you on a "safari" and the highlight is having one of the three trained cheetahs race by you. The cheetah we saw was named Majani, who is the largest cheetah in captivity at around 145lbs. The photo below was the best I could do.

The 90 minute excursion showcases a few other animals, as well as brings you up close with the cheetah. The trainers discuss the challenges facing the animals today, both in the wild and in captivity and how there's a great possibility by 2010, the cheetah population could be lost forever. If you have the chance, seeing a cheetah race by you at over 50mph is worth the time and money. Especially when the money is going towards preserving a quickly vanishing animal.

The rest of our zoo adventure is here in photos. In comparison to the Los Angeles Zoo, the San Diego Zoo is amazing. When I'm mayor of Los Angeles, I've sworn to use the left over rubble from the demolished Dodger Stadium to create a great and beautiful park for animals to live.

[UPDATE: 1:16pm] Now with exciting video!

* When I say fascinated, this does not mean I want Cheetah related items for birthdays and gift giving holidays.

WE'RE MOVING

2008-01-12T08:09:00.000-08:00

More details to come. Farewell, Roadface...

THE KITCHEN SINK

2008-01-06T10:27:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I've never really been a fan of Apple's Dashboard application, but iStat Pro has changed my opinion.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2008-01-01T17:40:00.001-08:00

Snapped this little jem this afternoon. Whoops.

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

2007-12-22T14:54:00.001-08:00

Our favorite beer brand found it's way to Los Angeles!

Connie and I were shopping at Ralph's and headed down the beer isle to load up for Jill's house on Tuesday night. When I saw the Lenine's Sunset Wheat, I gasped. Loudly. Connie, then seeing what I saw, also gasped. Loudly. We're pretty sure we startled several other patrons. Foolish patrons who were buying foolish beers.

We bought three of the five sixers on the shelf. I can't wait.

I can only hope this is the beginning of whole Leinie's line coming to Los Angeles, and the tripling of my waistline.

MY DUMPSTER BABY

2007-12-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

OR..."The Other Third Wheel."

Before I start the story, I need to give some of you who don't know a little character background.

This is my good buddy, Adam. When Adam and I are together, we become giggling 15 year-old boys. Farts and boobs. Adam, for a period of time, was single and when we'd hang out, Connie was often the third wheel. Which, she openly dislikes.

Fade in.

Saturday afternoon, the wonder-trio of Connie, Adam and I were invited to a housewarming party of some good friends. Connie decided it would be a good idea to grab some flower-type thing on the way to their house. Connie, not being a fan of highway driving, voluntarily sits in back so she wouldn’t freak out, and Adam sits shotgun.

We head to Ralph's. Connie exits the vehicle to pick-up some type of arrangement and I find a place to park.

While waiting, Adam and I were conversing about politics or stem cell research or modern art pieces, I don't recall. Connie emerges from the door I dropped her off from and crosses to the parking lot.

I pull up to meet her.

Now, please note that at this moment, Ralph's is chaos. The 4pm sun is burning right into my eyes. The main drive area has been overtaken by thirty-dollar Christmas trees, and for whatever reason (read: people suck) drivers can't handle the trees poking out an extra foot from the building. Throw pedestrians and old people driving into the mix, you get a healthy helping of bedlam soup.

Back to the story.

Connie opens the back door, and once I hear it close, we're off.

Adam and I are still yammering on about whatever we were yammering about. About two blocks into the drive, I blurt out, "Oh, and Connie. You know the rule. When you're dropped off at one grocery store door, that's the door you wait by."

Silence.

Adam and I look in the backseat to see only a large poinsettia looking back.

My first reaction is complete confusion. How did Connie get out of the car while it was moving? But then sanity sinks in.

...we left her at the grocery store.

Adam and I race back to the store, tears of "I can't believe we're so effing retarded" streaming down our cheeks. When we pull up, Connie is angrily storming back to the car.

Flashback to what happened.

Connie opened the rear passenger door and put the plant in, then closed the door. At that moment, I thought she had the plant in hand and was in the car. She had actually walked around to the driver's side when I sped away. Connie proceeded to wander around the parking lot, FURIOUS, thinking that Adam and I were just joking around...but we weren't. We had not noticed that Connie never made it into the car.

This is why, we're heroes.

FIRED

2007-12-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

This will get you fired. Thanks Jill.

NONE DOWN

2007-11-24T21:32:00.000-08:00

So, I was wrong.

It's been one month since there was any movement next door. We figured that Silver Reign had moved out, or jumped rent. The blinds were trashed and you could see right into the place. There was still furniture in the apartment and someone had been getting her mail.

No sooner had I commented to Connie, "Weird...someone is getting her mail," did I hear the cries of a baby. Sure enough, she's back.

It's been quiet since around 9pm tonight, but I know my luck and I'm sure I'll be up at 5am. If anyone has a lead on an affordable two-bedroom on the Westside (Montana to the north, Doheny to the east, ocean to the west), do share.

ONE DOWN?

2007-10-04T19:51:00.001-07:00

I took the photo below Tuesday night. At the time I thought people in the neighborhood were lovingly dumping random crap into our parking spaces again. But Connie noticed something else was going on.

Apparently, or HOPEFULLY, Silver Reign is moving out.

Thank God.

Connie noticed people cleaning the apartment earlier this week and there hasn't been any motion from that side of the wall either. So I'm hoping she's gone. And then...there's only one more to take care of...

SO...YOU'RE DISGUSTING

2007-09-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've bitched about the commune of morons that our neighbors have created. I'm not sure if it's because they haven't done anything, or I've just become used to their pathetic shenanigans.

Tonight, in the spot light, is our old friend Silver Reign.

Silver and her disgusting-moron boyfriend have stayed true to their white trash roots. 10:30pm shouting matches, cigarettes on their balcony, white carpet now dark with filth. And I'm pretty sure she's the idiot that has the open wifi connection. But it's about to get worse...a LOT worse.

A couple weeks ago, Connie commented to me that she though Silver was pregnant. I refused to believe this. Instead, assumed her steady diet of McDonald's and exercise program of sitting at home on her ass, had finally taken it's toll.

Oh my God, I was wrong.

Tonight we went shopping on the 3rd Street Promenade. While paying at the Puma store, I gaze to the front door to see Silver and dipshit wandering in. And she's HUGE.

HUUUUUUUUUUUGE.

Before I continue, I want to thank you Silver, for reminding me exactly why there are people (including a good friend of mine) rolling through foreign countries and putting their lives on the line. They are there fighting for your right to be a disgusting human being, get knocked up by another disgusting human being, and have a liter of disgusting children to perpetuate the cycle. It is the real life version of the beginning of Idiocracy.

So now what? I'm pretty sure these lazy sacks of crap aren't looking for another place. And I'm also pretty sure the bedroom in her apartment, which is back-to-back with ours, will be the baby's room. So I'll be absolutely shocked if Connie and I aren't looking for a new place to live before the new year.

I need to just give up and find a seaside cave...

MORE CHEFS

2007-09-13T14:06:00.000-07:00

I've had this one for a long time, but since I don't have much to post right now, figured it's better than nothing.

[UPDATE: 3:15PM] Real quick, since Paul asked, I interviewed Anthony Bourdain probably two years ago. It was when FOX was airing Kitchen Confidential, based on Anthony's book of the same name. He's REALLY tall and a really nice guy. And there's a bravado about him that you can see in No Reservations but you can feel it when he's in the room.

A MIKE SLIOZIS FAVORITE

2007-08-29T11:08:00.000-07:00

I swear I'm not this stupid.

HELL'S BELLS

2007-08-21T15:07:00.000-07:00

Exciting birthday photos.

SYNTHROID [DECEPTICON]

2007-08-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

Synthroid is a Decepticon, shaped like the old, portable Casio keyboards. And in the movie, he'd be voiced by Ron Silver.

Okay, okay. Synthroid is not a Transformer. In actuality, it's the yellow pill I'll probably be taking every day at eight o'clock in the morning for the rest of my life.

Last Friday, the 10th, I had an appointment with an endocrinologist. I follow him into his office where we go through the "does he have a thyroid problem" checklist. After I answer "no" to most things, doc looks over the top of his glasses, puts his hand on his chin and leaves me blowing in the breeze of suspense while he looks me over.

Since words weren't enough, doc leads me into an exam room where it's strip-to-my-birthday suit time once again. Of course there was a fancy paper gown waiting for me. Which, I'm sure most of us will agree are the most ridiculous solution to medical office nudity. I'd rather just sit there, boys to the world, than fuss with trying to hop back up on that table and fight to keep the stupid thing on.

Doc rolls in and goes over the routine. Feeling this, poking that, thumping on whatever he needs to thump on. Then he hops up on the table behind me, grabs my neck and in a second goes, "Oh YEAH. This IS Hashimoto's Disease." We really needed to get me in that gown to figure that out? Whatevs.

I get dressed and a nurse comes back in. We'll call her Mistress Natasha because this little old Russian lady performed the most painful blood I've had yet. It was like she sharpened the end of a rain gutter and jabbed in my arm. A week later, it's still bruised. Thank you Mistress Natasha.

When doc comes back in, he makes everything crystal clear for me. He wanted to do his own blood tests because his are more focused than that of my regular doctor. He also drew a nice diagram of how my thyroid works, how anti-bodies are eating my thyroid and the whole circle of life that's going on in my neck. When I left, we decided to wait on pills because there might be a chance that I only had a mild case of the Hashi.

Wednesday's phone call from the doctor would reveal that not to be true. Basically, my anti-bodies have created an army and are whooping on Fort Thyroid. Doc tells me to start pills that night.

So here we are today. I haven't noticed any change in my body or behavior yet, I'm not really expecting to I guess since the problem itself isn't really affecting me very much. And I also spit water all over my computer when I found the Synthroid site has a How to Cope page.

I just wish Synthroid had a good commercial...

BIBLE BLASTER

2007-08-15T09:05:00.001-07:00

I almost bought this just because it was five dollars.

DAY = MADE

2007-08-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

"Fans of FX's "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" won't have to wait until September to get a dose of the show's dense deviants."

LOCK THE DOOR

2007-08-13T22:58:00.000-07:00

This is the most morbidly fascinating app I've ever seen.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING OF THE DAY

2007-08-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since my last celebrity sighting update. Since then, there's been a bunch of them and more run-ins with JLC. But being that my sighting today involved one of my homosexual crushes (see Paul Rudd below) and it's my birthday, I had to revive the sighting.

WHO: Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd
WHERE: Corner of Rosewood Ave & Fairfax Ave
CELEB GRADE: A, B+, A+

Connie and I were looking for parking because the Canter's lot was full. We rolled down Rosewood and the trio was on the corner. Looking back, I'm upset I didn't use my "special day" to demand a photo.

Eff.

Previous Celeb Sightings: Billy Drago, Elizabeth Berkley, Audrina Patridge, Breckin Meyer, Seth Rogen, Bob Saget (part 2), Arnold Vosloo, Deep Roy, Kiefer Sutherland, Broken Lizard (Michael Weaver, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske), Joshua Jackson, Jamie Lee Curtis (part 2), Dennis Rodman, Billy Dee Williams, Danica McKellar, Edward Herman, Arden Mytin, Keanu Reeves, Justine Bateman, Carl Reiner, Jessica Simpson, Greg Pitts, Mischa Barton, Jamie Lee Curtis, Luke Perry, The Hilfigers

REVENGE OF THE NERDS

2007-08-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that, aside from the blind, Connie hates nerds.

The notion of walking near an EB Games (once known as Babbages), or watching me talking into my Xbox headset, or anything that she may perceive as "nerdy" sends her into a fit of rage.

Last night the nerds revolted.

Connie was checking our bank statements and had received and e-mail that our account had been flagged for possible fraudulent charges. When Connie looked into the matter, she found charges made to Runescape, NCSoft (which is already apparently involved in a class-action lawsuit for fraud), and the topper, purchases of World of Warcraft accounts from Blizzard Entertainment.

The bank stopped thousands of dollars from being swiped from our account, but Connie is probably going to by a bow and go nerd hunting soon.

LESSON LEARNED

2007-08-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my doctor called and wanted me to stop in for another blood draw since my last two came up showing very little thyroid activity. He was also waiting on my ultrasound from Monday's fun.

I got to the office early this morning, figuring they could draw blood and I'd be on my way.

No dice. Turns out the doc had just been looking over my ultrasound and was actually leaving me a message at work while I was sitting there waiting. The nurse told doc I was there and pointed me into an exam room.

Doc hands me a piece of paper from the imaging clinic confirming I have what's called, Hashimoto's Disease. It sadly has nothing to do with drawing anime characters and a desire to put a ridiculous spoiler on my car. It's not life threatening or anything, just needs to be watched.

The weird part is that while it's affecting me, it's not really affecting me. I don't exhibit the symptoms, or exhibit them in a red-alert fashion. So Friday morning, I'm going to a thyroid specialist and we'll go from there. Doc wants to get the thyroid fixed first and see if that has any affect on blood pressure.

Lesson learned...don't wait long to go to the doctor's.

PARTY SMURF

2007-08-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

MAI THYS

2007-08-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

You know what's not that fun on a Monday morning? An ultrasound of your throat.

After I got my test results back from my first doctor's appointment, he was a little alarmed by my thyroid activity, or lack thereof. He noted that people with similar activity are often losing hair, have nasty dry skin, are physically exhausted and have bowel issues. I thankfully have none of the above.

So at my follow up, he felt my thyroid again, and didn't notice anything odd and referred me to an imaging clinic in Beverly Hills.

So that's where I went this morning to have goop spattered on my neck and something shoved against my throat for about 40 minutes.

I think the most alarming thing about ultrasounds is that the technicians don't show their cards. There's never a "hmm" or "ah-ha!" It's just robotic silence as they move the device across whatever it is they're scanning. Maybe the machines could make the occasional triumphant horn sound, just to make me feel better.

And doc must have left me a message Friday night. My murmur isn't severe, just gotta keep an eye on it. But the blood pressure is still an issue. Gotta find out what the next steps are for that.

I smell like medical lube.

MMMMMM...MURMUR

2007-07-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday, I went to my first physical in easily 8 or more years. I went primarily because the machines at the grocery store were telling me I had high blood pressure ("normal" is typically 120/80).

Sure enough, after several tests, the doctor was concerned about how high it was. Above that, he said he heard a heart murmur. After an EKG, the doc told me I had homework. He asked that throughout the next week, I visit places with the blood pressure machines and keep a log. Instead, I went out and bought a wrist monitor late Thursday night.

Here's the log so far. Saturday (7/28) I spent a HORRID day at Comic-Con and didn't get a chance to monitor my pressure. I know it would have been through the roof and I'm surprised it was as low as it was when I got home.

[UPDATE 8/2, 2:45PM] I'm on the way to the doctor and he's going to see everything below. Can't wait.

7/26
8:16PM - 146/96, P66

7/27
7:08AM - 135/91, P59
8:34AM - 141/88, P64
11:00AM - 143/91, P62
2:26PM - 144/91, P65
4:16PM - 132/86, P63
5:38PM - 135/85, P60

7/28
7:28AM - 134/81, P56
11:14PM - 138/84, P61

7/29
9:41AM - 128/84, P67
12:20PM - 113/72, P66
3:18PM - 120/75, P72
10:35PM - 131/75, P79

7/30
7:49AM - 136/84, P65
9:06AM - 154/93, P61
11:11AM - 137/90, P71
2:07PM - 132/87, P73
4:16PM - 142/88, P64
6:06PM - 130/87, P63
9:15PM - 116/76, P62

7/31
7:12AM - 135/85, P64
12:15PM - 151/101, P62 (error?)
2:29PM - 144/87, P70
3:21PM - 149/96, P70
5:29PM - 136/85, P65

8/1
8:31am - 135/85, p69
11:09am - 143/89, p57
12:29pm - 142/94, p63
3:18pm - 143/91, p70
4:22pm - 129/83, p68
11:05pm - 141/89, p73
11:30pm - 131/81, p73

8/2
7:41am - 131/84, p70
9:29am, 148/89, p71
10:15am, 136/85, p61
11:14am, 135/87, p59
12:09pm, 138/86, p64

Woohoo.

HOW I (SORTA) GOT MY EMMY NOM

2007-07-20T10:06:00.000-07:00

Only 50 seconds of the three-minute "Drive" clip nommed Thursday actually aired on TV. Instead, the special effect, titled "The Starting Line," was streamed on Fox.com -- and only ever seen on Fox.com.

Full article here.

'MMATES #100

2007-07-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago, a few buddies, with the help of myself and others, spent the day putting together a short pilot (behind-the-scenes photos!).

After much work, it has been delivered via the YouTube. We have some kinks to work out for the next episode, but I hope you enjoy. I'm pretty happy with it being it's our first shot.

SOMETIMES

2007-06-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, there are just nice nights here.

Connie and I went to DiVita's for dinner (review coming soon, of course).

Then headed up to Sherman Oaks Castle for the batting cages and Connie found her swing again.

Then ended up sharing a cage and talking about Chicago style hot dogs with Matt Walsh and his wife. They recommend QT's, they have poppy-seed buns like Chicago style dogs are supposed to.

And it's a cool, 70 degrees out.

Time for Oreos.

FATHER'S DAY, SORT OF

2007-06-17T17:58:00.001-07:00

Since both my parents and Connie's live back in the Illinois, we don't do much on Father's Day except make our phone calls. Our ol' pal, Miles let us share his family's season tickets to the Dodgers. Best seats EVER. Cheers again to Miles.

And that's not the same image of my blood pressure . That's three weeks later. Hmm.

L.A. EATS: THE COUNTER

2007-06-16T14:29:00.000-07:00

EATERY: The Counter
WHERE: 2901 Ocean Park Blvd #102, Santa Monica
SITE: www.thecounterburger.com

Review coming soon.

L.A. EATS: ENZO & ANGELA

2007-06-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

EATERY: Enzo & Angela
WHERE: 11701 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles
SITE: www.enzoandangela.com

Review coming soon.

PICK A SIDE

2007-06-13T09:30:00.001-07:00

After softball, Connie and I usually have a light dinner. Last night, it was simple peanut butter and jelly. Connie typically spreads the peanut butter on first, then without cleaning the knife, does the jelly. I however, am a PB/rinse/jelly person.

What are you?

L.A. EATS: DAGWOOD'S

2007-06-12T10:53:00.001-07:00

EATERY: Dagwood's
WHERE: 820 Wilshire Blvd, Santa Monica
SITE: www.dagwoods.com

Review coming soon.

L.A. EATS: LIBRARY ALE HOUSE

2007-06-09T22:23:00.000-07:00

EATERY: Library Ale House
WHERE: 2911 Main St, Santa Monica
SITE: www.libraryalehouse.com

Review coming soon.

L.A. EATS: COLONY CAFE

2007-06-09T14:10:00.000-07:00

EATERY: Colony Cafe
WHERE: 10937 W Pico Blvd, Los Angeles
SITE: LA.com

Colony Cafe is a favorite place of mine to go when we leave the lot for lunch. The patio on a nice day makes lunch relaxing.

I've had most of the items on the menu, but none of the hot dogs. I'm yet to be let down by any of my choices. The only thing I don't really care for is the fact that all burgers and sandwiches come with chips, but their fries are delicious. I'd swap chips for fries any day.

Next door is Papa's Porch with has a full menu of desserts. I've never had anything from there, but everything looks great.

Colony Cafe closes at 5pm every night, so dinner isn't really an option. I would love for them to stay open later when I just want a quick, light meal.

RATING (OUT OF 5): * * * * *

L.A. EATS: WAHOO FISH TACO

2007-06-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

EATERY: Wahoo Fish Taco
WHERE: 11911 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles
SITE: www.wahoos.com

Wahoo's is just easy. When we're running low on dinner ideas, Wahoo's is just a decent plan B.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of 98% of the fast food places out there, but Wahoo's has a freshness to it. And I'm no expert, but it's probably a little healthier than most fast food places.

And yes, parking can be nuts at this location. There's the main lot on the corner of Wilshire and Westgate, we usually park in the lot between Wahoo's and Dante's on the west side of the building. Most people don't know about that one.

RATING (OUT OF 5): * * * *

HI-DEFINITELY NOT

2007-06-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Today, two things happened.

First, we got HD cable and with this, the Time Warner HD-DVR.

After being loyal Tivo users for almost four years, I can safely say this Time Warner DVR is the biggest pile of crap and most non-user friendly device I've ever seen. How the hell do we "Season Pass" shows? Why doesn't it dual tuner like the Tivo 80hr DT? Who the hell tested this thing and said, "Oh yeah, this is TOTALLY great." And damn you Tivo for making the Series 3 over $600. Damn you!

Second, HD Sarah Jessica Parker made me want to return the television and cut out my eyes. Give us some warning before you bust that out on my screen. Please.

[UPDATE 06/07 - 10:21am] This morning, I figured out how to record a "Season Pass" on the TW DVR. Goddamnit, it's dumb. You first have to find your show in the schedule. There's no "search by name." Then you have to set it up from there.

And Connie has completely rejected the new DVR. We're not even giving it a name because we refuse to accept it into the family. Connie has actually relocated into the bedroom, where Thomas now lives, just because using Thomas is so much better than DVR.

Now I need to scam for the Series 3 Tivo...

L.A. EATS: ENTERPRISE FISH CO.

2007-06-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

EATERY: Enterprise Fish Co.
WHERE: 174 Kinney St., Santa Monica
SITE: www.enterprisefishco.com

Connie chose Enterprise Fish Co. as the place to celebrate our seven-year anniversary. Enterprise Fish Co. is along popular Main Street in Santa Monica, tucked off the side on Kinney.

Upon entering, the Fish Co. has your pretty standard Fish Co. decoration theme, but don't let that sway you.

We started with the Shrimp and Crab Potstickers, which were amazing. For the meal, Connie ordered the Shrimp and Scallop Skewers while I chose the British Columbia Salmon with BBQ glaze. My salmon was delicious, pulled apart nicely and was slightly crispy on the bottom.

Fish Co. is on the pricey side, but definitely worth it. It's a laid back atmosphere, and with it's location off Main Street, an excellent first stop before heading out to bars in the area.

RATING (OUT OF 5): * * * * *

L.A. EATS: MARKIE D'S

2007-06-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

EATERY: Markie D's
WHERE: 11172 Washington Blvd., Culver City

There's an old Los Angeles legend that haunts the streets of this town. One afternoon, our oft-down-in-the-dumps hero was visiting the set of a popular FOX television show. Our hero turned to his camera guy and said, "I could go for a good sammich right about now. I've never found a good hoagie place in this town."

A few hours later, the crew called for lunch. It was catered by Markie D's. Their turkey hoagie brought me to my knees and tears to my eyes. In my time of need, Markie dropped a delicious sammich into my hands.

And then Kat Foster blew me a kiss. It was a great day.

Since then, Connie and I have been back several times. The place is packed with Philly memoribila (including Eagles gear, which still upsets me since the 2001 Jim Miller hit by Hugh Douglas), and even has Tastykakes. Connie celebrates the Italian Hoagie, while I have enjoyed the Turkey Hoagie and Philly Cheese Steak (double meat!). And order a basket of curly fries.

It's always great. Soft bread, fast service, and occasionally Markie himself works the counter on weekends.

RATING (OUT OF 5): * * * * *

L.A. EATS: FRITTO MISTO

2007-06-02T22:29:00.000-07:00

EATERY: FRITTO MISTO
WHERE: 601 Colorado Blvd., Santa Monica

I am historically wary of Italian joints. Typically, they abuse tomato sauce and often overcook the pasta. Connie had heard great things about Fritto Misto, and Fritto Misto would not let us down.

Fritto Misto (menu) is a smallish place with a few tables scattered outside. Their location is perfect because it's just far enough away from the 3rd Street Promenade to be hidden away from the waves of family tourists.

We arrived around 7:30pm and quickly found street parking. They also have a lot behind the building. We waited about 30 minutes for a group of four, which is pretty standard on this side of town. During our wait, the hostess came out with a tray of Fried Pillows. These wonderful puffs are warm and crunchy on the outside and packed with with herb ricotta cheese.

Once inside, the menu has many savory dishes to offer. And if choosing from the list isn't hard enough, they offer a "create your own" pasta section that lets you choose from a large variety of noodles, sauces and toppings.

I ordered the Garlic Shrimp ("Sautéed in herb butter, garlic and brandy, tossed with black and white pasta.") and Connie ordered Lobster Ravioli from that night's specials list. Both were amazing.

After the meal, we split a Crème Bruleé. The Bruleé was the perfect size after devouring a mass amount of pasta and it was so good.

Fritto Misto is definitely worth a stop.

RATING (OUT OF 5): * * * * *

L.A. EATS: S&W COUNTRY DINER

2007-05-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

EATERY: S&W Country Diner
WHERE: 9748 Washington Blvd., Culver City

I love breakfast. I mean, LOVE breakfast. Eggs, bacon and toast are a must. In any form and in and combination of those items. Toast omelette you say? I'll take two.

Los Angeles has the bottom feeders of breakfast joints like Denny's and the slightly better Norms, but I always hunt for better. Our standby is Jinky's in Santa Monica.

I read about S&W on la.foodblogging, and we gave it a shot.

We've since been back several times and it has never failed us. The menu is a little complicated to figure out at first, but once you've unlocked the secrets, you'll join the secret society of delicious breakfast meals. For less than $10 a person, you get a massive omlette with three toppings and two giant pancakes. Recently, I chose the French Toast over the pancakes because the pancakes proved to be too much food.

Parking can be kind of a hassle, but there's a parking garage just a block east (free under an hour, I think). It's cash only, and if you forget, there's a WaMu across the street. Get there early because you'll have to wait at least 30 minutes on weekends.

RATING (OUT OF 5): * * * * *

LOOK MA!

2007-05-27T20:57:00.001-07:00

CLEANING

2007-05-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

Just doing some cleaning around the old netosphere.

First, I'm going to do what I can to use this blog again. I've let it slip for several reasons, but it's time to bring it back. For starters, I'm going to post more eatery reviews. Connie and I always find ourselves unable to find food inspiration off the top of our heads, so I'm going to begin logging and rating the places we eat around the city (mostly Westside, because it's the Bestside).

Second, I think I'm going to kill my Twitter stream, or at least dial it back more than I already have. Instead, those blurbs will come back here.

Third, I'm moving from MySpace to Facebook. It's cleaner and more flexible. It's like the baby of MySpace and LinkedIn.

Fourth, more television reviews like this one. It's fun, but of course I have to watch who I'm reviewing because Big Brother could always be watching.

Fifth, "Ode to Ochrasy" by Mando Diao is my album for the summer.

Sixth, we're getting close to finally joining the HDTV revolution. Who wants to help me figure out what cables I need to buy?

TUESDAY SOFTBALL EGO STROKE

2007-04-17T22:58:00.000-07:00

Opponent: The Whitehouse
Final Score: 10-6

Standings: 2-0
Personal Stats: 4/4, triple

VIDEO OF THE DAY...NAY, WEEK!

2007-04-13T15:39:00.000-07:00

The Landlord.

AT LEAST SIX YEARS TOO LATE

2007-04-07T10:38:00.000-07:00

Kermit on drugs is old news. ALF did it first.

HAPPY EASTER

2007-04-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

Grandma sent me a card. Usually she writes about what's going on with her and the family on the inside cover. This year read:

Go get yourself some pizza or something.

Must be a slow...and surly, month.

TITUS

2007-03-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

I want to learn to fix classic cars so I can buy this.

GOD ONLY KNOWS

2007-03-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

The Wonder Years is back in syndication on you local ION Network. Starts April 2nd.

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT

2007-03-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

Friday is my four year anniversary here in Los Angeles.

I'm starting to think year five will start with a moving truck headed back to Chicago.

And Miles, quit commenting.

NO LONGER A MEDICAL MARVEL

2007-02-10T19:55:00.000-08:00

Haven't had much to talk about lately, but here are some top line items to get you through until the next time I'm compelled to post:

First of all, while it's only been one week, it's still depressing to think about. Somewhere before the second half, they just stopped. They just bellied up and called it a night. Whatever, still NFC champs, right?
Wednesday morning I woke up with a fever and aches but I didn't think much of it. I figured it was something go around the office, like this crap always does, and then I'd rest, hydrate and be back to work Thursday. I wasn't nauseas, and I was eating and drinking just fine.

Well, Thursday rolls around, I'm not much better. Still don't feel horrible except for the occasional fever flare up. Thursday night I took a long, sweat-soaked nap and woke up with a sinus explosion.

Friday, I went to the doctor where they told me I indeed had the flu. The flu. Who gets the flu besides kids and old people? They gave me Tamiflu to take for the next five days. Last night, I went to bed at 8pm and proceeded to have the most messed up fever dreams. I think at some point, all my limbs were small villages and I was tossing and turning to make sure that they were all being taken care of equally. I eventually woke up at 8am. I haven't EVER slept 12 hours in my entire life. EVER.

I'm hoping tonight will be better. I'm trying to stay up until 10pm so I don't wake up at some ridiculous early hour.

Oh, and David Paymer left while I was there. I couldn't look him in the eye knowing that ten years ago I snuck into a screening of Carpool.
So naturally this flu would kill two things I was really looking forward to.

First, I'm long overdue for a haircut and haven't shaved in over three weeks. I'm a grizzled mess. I had to cancel my haircut today because I'm not sure I'm contagious or even how I was going to feel this morning. And yes...I'm that VAIN that I look forward to haircuts. This should surprise none of you.

And tonight, I'm missing The Derby Dolls home opener, the Fight Crew vs. Tough Cookies. I was really looking forward to it since the first bout was so awesome. Connie is there now with a couple friends, so at least someone got to enjoy it.

Instead, I'm watching A Charlie Brown Valentine. This kid is an animated mental mess. Charlie Brown, you're stressing me out. GRAH! Don't listen to Linus about women! He drags a blanket around! Eesh.
While I always do my best to stray from talk of politics (Miles usually does enough of that to cover me), I want to talk briefly about Obama entering the presidential ring.

I've been reading up about Obama when he's popped up in the news. And from what I can tell, he's amazing. And his speech today was no different. Chances are, if he makes it to the last lap, I'll be voting for him. But here's my concern.

I feel like even if the Dems do get someone in the White House, the first four years of their run is going to be playing janitor to clean up everything that's happened in the last eight. Do the Dems really want to burn away a great candidate who will only be able to clean up and not move the country ahead? Wouldn't you want someone who can play repair man, stitch the wounds and then hand off the baton to someone who can make great strides without having to worry about someone else's mess?

There's my political statement of the decade.
What to change the world? There's nothing to it...

That's what I've got. I know it's been thrilling. And because I'm sick and tired, I'm not proofing this. Maybe later.

[publish]

MY OTHER BLOG IS A FIREBIRD

2007-01-30T11:52:00.000-08:00

I've been doing some writing for the FOX.com blog too...

LADD vs. TXRD

2007-01-28T16:14:00.001-08:00

Awhile ago, Connie and I watched a show called Rollergirls about the girls of the Texas Roller Derby league. So through curiosity, we found the Los Angeles Derby Dolls.

When we subscribed to the newsletter, it was the off season and we weren't really sure when they'd start up again. About a month ago, we got a newsletter saying the TXRD all-stars were coming to play the LADD all-stars.

We bought tickets immediately.

The bout was last night. The track is on the top floor of the Little Tokyo Shopping Center, which in itself is an amazing place. "Rockabilly" is clearly the fashion of choice, most of the girls look like tattooed extras from Grease. It's all girly stuff with skulls on it. I took my camera along, but the strange lighting in the place didn't let me get too many shots. Here's what I did get.

It was pretty amazing. Before the half, one chick was taken down hard and she flew off the track, breaking a guard board along the way. The EMTs rushed in and they had to move the crowd to get her out. They carried her by us, but even I had enough not heart to take photos. When the second half started, they told everyone that thankfully she had no broken bones (after reporting that a couple other girls had shattered shins and patellas), and she only needed 20 stitches to sew up a nasty gash on her leg.

We got to see our favorite TXRD girls like Chola, Sister Mary Jane, and Venis Envy. The TXRD girls beat LADD girls 39-27 and we found some new favorites.

Fight Club takes on the Tough Cookies February 10th. Who's in?

[UPDATE: 01/29/07 - 2:20PM] Thanks to Busta Armov (head ref emeritus, LADD) and his comment, I fixed an error. Date above updated. Thanks!

SCENES FROM THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP

2007-01-21T20:45:00.000-08:00

Went to Big Wangs, as usual, for the Bears game.

And we drank, and we screamed, and we worried, and we celebrated. Now we have two weeks of sleepless nights...

Photos by Bea Riley.

THINGS TO DO IN 2007

2007-01-01T21:56:00.000-08:00

This is, of course, the obligatory, "make me a better me" post. So after reviewing last year's post, I apparently went 0-for-5. Nice job, Sliozis. So, in the interest of time and bettering myself, I'm just going to copy and paste last year's goals and maybe try to get them done in the next 365.

I don't even think I'm really changing the descriptions on these that much either. Man, did I bite it in '06.

Complain less/Be more positive: Honestly, the chances of this ever happening are slim to none. And while anger/sarcasm/bitterness may be one of the sources of my humor, it's also not good for my health. Which actually, leads me to add the next thing to this list...
Go to the doctor: I haven't had a physical in who knows how long. Chances are, there's nothing wrong with me. But it wouldn't hurt to have a pro check the old hot rod out.
Get a tattoo: First appearing on the 2004 list, then vanishing on the 2005 list, it's back. ~~I'm almost sure I know~~ I have NO IDEA what I want to get. I changed my mind on my last plan. Back to the drawing board.
Travel: Connie and I still haven't really done much to the north of Los Angeles. We made it to San Francisco, and that was it. I saw Dallass for the first time, wish it was a one time go, but it's not. I want to make it overseas this year, in one direction or another.
Write one quality 30 minute script: We'll bring this one back too, just as a reminder that it's in here and something can be done.

Aaaaaand, we're off...again...

NAME THAT GEEK

2006-12-30T12:49:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to recall the name of a documentary that came out either late last year or early this year in which grown people with normal day jobs spent their weekends having pretend, medieval battles in the middle of nowhere.

Anyone?

HELLO

2006-12-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

Yup, it's been awhile. I've been Twittering a lot lately, and maybe that affected the blogging...just a tad. Not much to talk about. Just wanted to share some photos.

Went to the zoo yesterday. It was perfect. Being Sunday and a bonus holiday eve, there was no one there. Here's Trevor giving the ol' thumbs-up to the hippo.

Trevor's last day with the FOX family was on Friday. Thursday night, a bunch of us got dressed up and went to the Magic Castle. It was certainly magic. They didn't let me wear those shoes.

Finally, we had our FOX lot party a couple weeks ago. It was the usual. The theme was cleverly "California."

WHY HOLLYWOOD SUCKS: #8,487

2006-11-26T18:14:00.000-08:00

More specifically, the 75th Annual Hollywood Christmas Parade.

Around noon, Connie and I headed up to Big Wangs to watch Bears vs. Pats (let's not talk about that right now). As we looked for parking, it was clear that something else was going to be going on later that night.

First, here's a map to give those of you non-Angelinos a frame of reference. The distance from Highland to Vine is about a half-mile:

Around 4:45pm, we left the bar. When we pulled out of the garage, I headed east and hoped to cross Sunset. Close to Highland, an officer told us that if we hurried, we could cross Cahuenga before the parade started.

Connie and I looped back on Selma and turned south on Cahuenga. We sat in line behind a few cars, and another officer then suggested we head back towards Highland.

Great. No one knows what's going on.

We ended up cruising up and down Selma until 5:30pm.

We asked another officer, who was clearly bitter about the lack of planning regarding those of us inside the parade zone, if they were certain there was no way out of our prison. She said no, and that the parade wouldn't end until "Seven or seven-thirty." Connie and I almost broke down in tears. We pulled up a few feet, and parked the car to think of a game plan. All we wanted was to go home.

In my rearview, I saw the officer approaching. I was certain she was going to tell us, "Sorry, but you can't park here," and my rage was going to level eight square blocks of Hollywood. But thankfully, THANKFULLY, she told us that if we headed out to Highland, they were slowly letting cars through as the parade had breaks.

By 5:40pm, we were free. We spent almost an HOUR driving up and down Selma. The parade organizers are getting a VERY pissed off phone call tomorrow.

THE TERRIBLE TIVO

2006-11-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

Our Tivo has problems.

He's a series 2, 40hr. with the 8.1.blah-blah update and I have it hooked up to the wireless network. Right now, he's only about 15% full. I'm pretty sure he's not even two years old.

Over the last two months, with increasing frequency, our Tivo "stutters" on recorded playbacks. It will play for 2-4 seconds, then stall for just as long. Sometimes it's only a few bad moments. In others, he chokes through a full hour of television, making the recording completely unwatchable. It also seems to affect primetime recordings far more than it does daytime recordings. And, this bizarre symptom doesn't seem to be affecting when we watch live television.

Does anyone else out there have a similar setup with similar issues? Message boards seem to point in the direction that the hard drive is failing, and Tivo support thinks my wireless setup is to blame (even though the stuttering started prior to wireless setup). I'm looking for a simple reason why, if not a solid solution.

I fear that this might be my Tivo's way of telling me he's ready to move on to Tivo heaven.

Oh, and his little logo sticker fell off.

[UPDATE #1: 11/25/2006 - 8:02AM] Turned on the television this morning, greeted by this nifty screen (click here for larger view):

So I guess that answers my previous question about what's wrong with Thomas. Since I started writing this, he's been rebooting. I'm hoping the bit about "three hours" isn't true.

Looking back at this situation, a few things are interesting to me.

First, Tivo.com doesn't have e-mail functionality if you want to contact customer service. You either have to call in or send an old fashioned letter. Which, I guess is okay because they force you to talk to a human and get your problem squared quickly.

Next, while combing the message boards as well as talking to the customer support guy, there doesn't really seem to be a "standard" of Tivo problems. I've seen hundreds of different errors and glitches, and because every explains things differently, trying to pinpoint conversations in message boards eats.

Also, I do have to give credit to the Tivo support dude because he made a legit, while wildly incorrect, attempt to help me instead of resorting to a "Yes, definitely hard drive failure. You're not under warranty. Buy a new one."

Overall, losing my dear Thomas wouldn't be that bad. He'd live on in the form of a new Tivo with more Tivo powers. And with rebate...it's $70.

As of 8:17am, Thomas finished reboot...then hit me with the green screen again. Time to search the boards and call customer support.

Well...at least I super glued his logo sticker back on. He won't die naked.

[UPDATE #2: 11/25/2006 - 8:54AM] Thomas is on...but the screen is black. Has been for almost fifteen minutes. We're going to try to unplug, then replug. Cross your fingers.

[UPDATE #3: 11/25/2006 - 9:07AM] Still no menu. On the phone with customer support. Tivo has the WORST hold music. I think it's the them to The People's Court.

[UPDATE #4: 11/25/2006 - 9:22AM] Tivo's official prognosis...Thomas is dead.

[UPDATE #5: 11/25/2006 - 1:13PM] All hail the new Thomas! He's loading program info as we speak. And he'll only cost $70 after rebate, and record twice the programming. The new era has begun!

TOUGH CROWD

2006-11-20T20:04:00.000-08:00

Tonight, since I was tired of making dinners and Connie is still barely mobile (she hopefully gets her boot tomorrow), I just ordered pizza. The delivery man came, and the following happened:

[Dave answers door. Pizza guy looks in, sees Connie on the couch, bandaged foot resting high on pillows.]

Pizza Guy: "Oh no! What happened to you?"
Dave: "SHE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS!"

[silence]

I really shouldn't do "abuse comedy" on people I don't know...

PRE-OP

2006-11-08T09:08:00.000-08:00

ROTATING THE TIRES

2006-11-07T23:08:00.000-08:00

Connie's ankle surgery is tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes, and hopefully have some embarrassing video of her all doped up.

THOMAS SUGGESTS: THE BRADY BUNCH

2006-11-01T21:49:00.000-08:00

"Lost Locket---Found Locket" (1970)

Open on another sunny Brady day. Jan sits alone in the girl's bedroom when Alice arrives with fresh laundry. Alice, with her snaked tongue, asks Jan if she has "Nothing better to do but goof off on a Saturday." Alas, we find out that Carol took Marsha to some hippie art class and Mike is down at the playground with little Cindy. Thus, leaving the queen of mope, Jan, alone. Alice quips that she's going to go back downstairs and "goof off with some more ironing." But Jan is not alone for long.

Carol barges in and delivers a small package to Jan. For some reason Carol then proceeds to elaborate on the address on the package and proudly declares, "To Jan Brady. 4222 Clinton Way, City."

I don't get the "city" either.

Jan tears into the package, first awed by a blue jewelry box. Go on Jan, there's more than just a box here. Jan cracks open the box to reveal a golden locket. Of course, being the forgotten child, Jan about craps herself that someone gave her something. Jan also notices that there isn't a card or return address. This doesn't sit well with Carol. Carol makes a note to check who is in her daughter's "Top 24" friends on her MySpace account. Carol puts the locket on Jan and gives an uneasy look. Partly because this is just weird, but she also knows that her clown step-sons are going to open up their go-to "private eye" kit and start a manhunt.

Jan stands before the bedroom mirror, admiring her bling. Marsha and Cindy stand nearby, listening to Jan scratch and claw to hang onto the spotlight.

Carol's fears come true. Mike and the boys are trying to use their primitive 1970 technology to determine where the package came from. Greg points out that Jan the Beggar ripped the postmark when she opened the package. Peter has the same question we do, "If something is just addressed, CITY, doesn't that mean it was sent from the same city?"

Look at you, Peter! Who knew?

Mike declares Peter to be using "logic" to solve this caper of capers. Bobby, of course, plays his "wacky antics" card and takes the magnifying glass from Greg, who is trying to get real work done. Bobby shouts, "WOW! I just found something out!" Low and behold, he's baited the boys and they've bit. Bobby burns them by looking at them through the magnifying glass and shouting, "Everything is much bigger!"

Jerk.

Greg reclaims the magnifying glass and finds and actual clue. The typewriter that typed the address "dropped it's Y." Meaning all the letter Y's don't align with the rest of the text. Stupid Peter doesn't think that's much of a clue, but Mike, without calling his son an ass, says otherwise.

The girls sit on Jan's bed, theorizing who Jan's "secret admirer" might be and throwing around the word, "scad." Jan plans on wearing the locket to the library in hopes of smoking one Willie Dawlripple out of hiding.

Peter and Bobby scheme to use Bobby's "fingerprint kit" to lift the prints off the jewelry box. Mike has to step in again, watching his hopes of his kids going to college go down in flames. He sternly challenges them, "Yeah? And even if you found a finger print, what would you do with it?" Peter wants to send the fingerprints to the FBI. Stupid Peter.

Carol yammers on about the jewelry box in Mike's home office while he slaves over another set of blueprints. Carol snaps up, she thinks her half-brained Aunt Martha might have sent the locket because she's a.) fond of Jan and b.) very forgetful. Carol gives Martha a call. And what a call it is. "Martha? It's Carol. Carol. Carol Brady. YOUR NIECE!" Carol figures out that Martha isn't the gift giver, however the Bradys can be expecting a totem pole in the mail. With the Martha lead gone cold, Carol tells Mike that they have to focus on the typewriter that typed the address. Mike offers, "Finding a typewriter that drops its Y's is like finding a needle that dropped its haystack."

Cut to much later that night, Alice and Carol sneak into Mike's office to use Mike's typewriter. They've thrown the clever dog off by telling Mike they've gone out to buy a coat for Alice. Carol's "female intuition" thinks Mike sent the locket. Carol loads the typewriter and Alice shoves her aside to do the typing. Alice LOVES typing. However, instead of typing one word with a Y, she proceeds to type some long sentence to heighten the suspense. When Alice finally hits the Y, Carol is disappointed. This isn't the typewriter they're looking for. But oh no! An office security guard catches them! When asked about how they got in, Carol shoots off her mouth, "I have a key to this building that ALSO unlocks this office." This is where she should have been maced. Carol babbles on about how it's her husband's office, blah, blah. Awkward "years later we'd know the secret" line of the episode, the security guard says, "I'm going to call him and ask him if he knows about a dame masquerading as his WIFE." Eesh. Before the officer can spin the rotary dial one more time, Carol explains the locket story and the guard lets them go.

Mike hammers away at Carol's keyboard in his home office. Greg is there...doing something. Mike is typing out the ENTIRE ALPHABET to see if Carol's typewriter drops the Y. No dice. Greg calls the stability of his parent's marriage into question, asking why Carol wouldn't tell him and if they trust each other. Mike quickly packs up the "portable" typewriter and puts it back so Carol won't know. Greg sassily muses, "I'm beginning to think we'll never know who sent that locket to Jan."

Bedtime for the Bradys. Mike exits the bathroom and asks Carol if they had any luck getting "the coat." This of course baffles Carol. Coat? What coat? I don't know about a......oooooooh, THAT coat. Carol covers her ass and says they didn't buy one. Carol strangely asks how Jan is, and Mike replies even more strangely that "she was fine when she went to bed." Is there a deleted scene? Last time we saw Jan she was skipping around because her parents knew her name now. Mike and Carol kiss goodnight, Carol wants to finish the chapter in her book.

Down the hall, Jan slowly wakes up, clutching for the locket. IT'S GONE! But then, instead of looking for it, or just worrying about it in the morning, she proceeds to SCREAM BLOODY MURDER! "OH NO! OH NOOOO!"

Mike and Carol dash from their bed, expecting to see a pack of giant wolves feasting on the still living body of their middle daughter. When they get to the bedroom, Marsha is sitting next to Jan and Cindy is doing a truly half-assed job of checking the bed. Jan explains, "I wore it to bed a couple of hours ago. Then something woke me up, and I found it was...GONE!" Mike and Carol calm Jan, but her heart is broken. Her spotlight...fading.

The next morning, the boys straighten up their room and fret about the "real mystery" they have on their hands. Peter spews out the idea that they should solve this like they do on TV, but recreating the crime. They'll get all two-hundred members of the family to be exactly where they were when Jan's locket was "stolen." Bobby says something stupid to round out the scene.

Greg tells Mike that they want to re-enact the crime and Mike replies to his son with an almost offended tone, "A re-enactment of the WHAAAAA?" Greg continues to explain to Ma and Pa that he believes the locket was stolen. Carol states that she knows everyone was in bed that night, but Greg cracks under the pressure of being a goody-goody, "Well...not everyone, Mom." Junkie. Greg confessed that he and Peter were raiding the fridge...junkies.

Carol asks Jan if she was asleep when the locket went walking. Marsha confesses that she was indeed not asleep. She was "studying" in bed.

Bobby tells Mike that he was brushing his teeth. Mike hits back, "At ten o'clock at night?" with a tone of, "my youngest is an ass."

Greg puts the screws into Alice. Alice says she was writing a letter to her sister in the living room, which then for some reason, apologizes for being out of her room and risking being seen amongst the upper-class. Mike and Carol tell Alice about the re-enactment plan. Alice says her sister will be stunned to receive two letters from her in the same week! Alice...fake the letter this time. Seriously.

Ten o'clock. Mike and Carol are in bed, going along with the re-enactment.

Greg and Peter walk back into their room, food in hand. Junkies. Bobby is brushing his teeth

Jan sighs, her prized locket, gone forever. Marsha barks out to Jan, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP!" Crap Marsha, relax. Jan tries to sleep.

The boys talk amongst themselves, Bobby still has toothpaste in his mouth because Greg told him to get to bed.

Alice pens her letter. The boys get anxious.

Jan FLIPS out.

She sits upright and Mike and Carol rush in. Jan explains that her scream is a "happy scream." Mmmhmm...time to give Jan the ol' "talk." Jan tears into her story, mentioning something about "the little bear." She babbles on, talking about stars. Oh, not "the little bear," but the constellation, "The Little Bear." Whatever. Jan runs to the window where she was star gazing and slides it open. She pokes her head out, since apparently Mike didn't build their house with screens. Jan looks down and sho' 'nuff, the locket is in the bushes. The rest of the family rushes in, all celebrating the fact that spaz got her locket back.

However, we still don't know who sent the locket...do we...

The next morning, Alice makes breakfast for Jan. Jan is shits & giggles about getting her locket back. Alice admits that she did fake writing the second letter. Alice tells Jan that she's getting older and has a secret she'd like to keep between them.

Alice returns with another typewriter, and Jan clanks out her last name a few times. And OH MY EFFING GOD, Alice is the one who sent the stupid locket that caused two sleepless nights for the family. Thanks Alice. Alice reveals that she herself is a middle daughter, between Emily and Myrtle. Myrtle probably had a bangin' bod. Alice tells Jan she's giving her the locket so she doesn't feel forgotten.

ALICE: "This batted old typewriter has a date with a screwdriver, and nobody but you and I will ever know that for a few days you were...special."

JAN: "Alice, as long as I have this locket, I'll always feel, that I'm something special."

STOP HITTING YOURSELF

2006-10-15T15:51:00.000-07:00

First I should point out that I should feel blessed about my life seeing as though the only real source of conflict comes from my neighbors and their inability to be decent human beings when it comes to the laundry room.

That being said, I'm dominating these assholes.

I realized this morning that there is an unbeatable method of securing the washer and dryer. One that even the most obnoxious human being cannot deny. Simply, immediately after I start a load in the washer, I place NEW quarters into the slot, therefore securing the next round. EAT THAT, CHUMPS.

Of course, I'm already expecting the day I find my wet clothes on the floor and I'm short $1.25.

Also, I'm going to start calling my landlord and saying that I live in the building next door and I'm fed up with people using the laundry room outside of the landlord designated hours.

Hardball.

SPAM SUBJECT LINE OF THE DAY

2006-10-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

They sure know their audience...

Want to be a father of the whole kindergarten? Try Spermamax.

Really? The whole kindergarten?

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

2006-10-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

TRON shoes!

JUST ANOTHER WEDNESDAY

2006-10-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

Left to right: Robert Knepper, Dave Sliozis, Wade Williams

A screenshot from my current Prison Break project. Video coming in a few weeks.

MY DAD IS AWESOME

2006-10-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

For my father's birthday, my brother bought my dad the new iPod Shuffle and I paid for a iTunes gift card. And here's where we're at:

Dad: I am an iTunes madman
Me: nice
Dad: Soooo easy
Dad: I may have to get Benny & Joon - 500 miles

This was quickly followed by:

Dad: I heard something on the news at noon that Fox was offering some TV shows online - on demand. I was just going to look it up.
Me: yup. www.myspace.com/fox
Dad: No fees?
Me: nope.
Dad: Wow
Dad: No commercials?
Me: nope.

THE CALLING

2006-10-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

Connie and I are attempting to cram in two seasons of Veronica Mars before the season three premiere on Tuesday. We still have about 16 episodes to go in season two.

While watching last night, it hit me. What are two things I LOOOOOOOVE doing?

1.) Taking photos

2.) Listening in on other people's lives.

I was born to be a private detective.

OH SNAP!

2006-09-27T21:31:00.000-07:00

A FOX.com classic:

CELEBRITY SIGHTING(S) OF SUNDAY

2006-09-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

A double sighting yesterday, which is good because I've been in a drought since I saw Audrina. Which in hindsight, I would have asked to see her massive neck tattoo.

LET'S GO!

WHO: Billy Drago
WHERE: Driving past our cab on the way to LAX
CELEB GRADE: D-

First, while you may not know his name, you'll probably know his face. Usually cast as the villian, Billy has been around. However, it seems he's seen better days. The last time I saw him was in whatever that last Michael Jackson video was. Not good.

Anyway, he raced by in his black Mustang, rocking out to some song. Good for you, Billy! Head up! Too bad he would be overshadowed by who came next.

WHO: Elizabeth Berkley
WHERE: Los Angeles International Airport
CELEB GRADE: C+

Yeah, I gave her a C+. What are you going to do about it? I'm not saying that Berkley isn't amazing, but Showgirls totally drags down the Saved By The Bell curve.

She was leaving what I think was the Quantas Club. She was unmistakable. I did one of those quiet gasps and then realized that I was the only lion who spotted that gazelle. Awesome.

Previous Celeb Sightings: Audrina Patridge, Breckin Meyer, Seth Rogen, Bob Saget (part 2), Arnold Vosloo, Deep Roy, Kiefer Sutherland, Broken Lizard (Michael Weaver, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske), Joshua Jackson, Jamie Lee Curtis (part 2), Dennis Rodman, Billy Dee Williams, Danica McKellar, Edward Herman, Arden Mytin, Keanu Reeves, Justine Bateman, Carl Reiner, Jessica Simpson, Greg Pitts, Mischa Barton, Jamie Lee Curtis, Luke Perry, The Hilfigers

SINCE EVERYTHING ELSE WAS GOING SO WELL

2006-09-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

All I wanted was a day off.

Work has been pretty crazy. I don't think I've worked less than a ten hour day in about two weeks. And tomorrow I'm back off to Dallas for all the fun that one could milk out of Dallas (read: not a whole lot.) So I just wanted today to be a chill day to relax.

So of course, last night on the way out of the parking garage, I can hear something in one of my tires. Upon further inspection, it's a screw. Upon inspection this morning, it's totally flat. Hooray. Thank you to all the construction going on in the neighborhood. I wish I could send them the bill. Later today I've got to get the mini-tire on and just wait until I get back from Dallas to fix it.

And I had some laundry I wanted to do before I left. Someone, of course, snaked it from me this morning. They must have started before the official laundry start time of 9am. I wander out around 10am, the dryer is done, I make my move.

10:30am I head out to move my stuff from the washer to dryer. I take the other person's clothes out of the dryer (read: two shirts and a pair of jean shorts) and put them on top. Then I toss my stuff in the dryer and start another load in the washer.

On the way out, I learn that the laundry belongs to one of our seldom seen neighbors who is just as retarded as everyone else. Some quick back story, she's the one that always gets in late night fights with our gay neighbor about using the laundry (read: they're both trying to use it after the 9pm cut-off time), and for some reason she walks a long way to dump her garbage in the bin of a neighboring condo instead of just using ours which is much closer to her apartment.

But I digress. Seldom-seen starts questioning me, "Were my clothes done?" Yeah, for about a half an hour, duh, watch the clock. Then she starts into this sob story about how she had to wash her TWO SHIRTS AND SHORTS again. I play the good-guy card and offer, "I just put my stuff in the wash, I can take it out and you can jump in on my quarters." But that leads to a "I don't have time" story from her.

So we walk back and I'm apologizing, but I'm not really sure what for. Basically, she didn't pay attention to the time, wanted to wash her clothes, but ultimately didn't have time and that was my fault...?

I'm fed up with these jerks. I'm fed up with this construction. I'm fed up with people parking on my street so they can go to the terrible bars on Wilshire. Screw this place. We're moving to the South Bay.

FIREWORKS = BAD, PSA = HILARIOUS

2006-09-06T13:36:00.000-07:00

BABY COMES HOME

2006-08-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

Oof...yeah, I just wrote that.

TECH WISHES - PART II

2006-08-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

Back in January, I had a few items that I'd like to happen to the Tivo service. The trash bin feature was added, and I'm happy with it. I haven't heard anything about my "play all" idea though.

Anyway, I wanted to add one more.

Every morning, I wander out into the living room, turn on the TV and then force the Tivo off whatever horrible show he thinks we want to see. But every morning, I force him off to the same news channel. Why doesn't my Tivo record my viewing pattern to understand that around 7:30am, most mornings, I change the channel to watch the news? Tivo doesn't even need to record the news, just change that channel for me so when I turn on the TV, it's already rolling.

Instead, Thomas the Tivo just sits there, rubbing a THREE THUMBS DOWN paid programming feature in my face.

MUSTACHE THURSDAY - IN HD

2006-08-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

You can find a brief gallery here, or relive previous Mustache Thursdays...

UT&D OR BTCS

2006-08-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

Myself, Connie and Rob (one of Connie's coworkers, pictured above) drove to San Juan Capistrano Saturday night to celebrate Mikey and Brooke's wedding.

It was defintely my kind of wedding. The bride's maids arrived to the ceremony in a gorgeous cherry red classic Cadilllac and the ceremony overlooked the ocean. Then at the reception there was Wilco, free drinks, skateboarding and plenty of people to glare at the Santa Monica Daily Press crew.

Pictures enclosed.

SAN FUNCISCO

2006-08-15T15:19:00.000-07:00

Photos from my weekend trip to San Francisco.

TWENTY-OLD

2006-08-10T12:14:00.000-07:00

My birthday isn't until Saturday, but I'm going out of town tomorrow and figured I'd share this little gem a few days early.

For more gold, go here.

WTF, GOOGLE MAPS?

2006-08-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

When Google Maps was launched, it became my default mapping program. It wasn't stuck in 1993 like Mapquest, and it wasn't clunky and ugly like Yahoo! Maps. But then, someone behind the scenes of Google Maps had to go and eff with it.

While the browser interface remains the same, allowing the fluid drag-to-scroll, the print-friendly version is now a tragedy.

Here is a screen shot of a simple trip from the Santa Moinca Pier to the Chinese Theater.

Now if you'll recall the old version, your directions would be accompanied by a large map based on the centering and zoom level you chose from the browser interface. Connie and I would always zoom pretty close to the area around the end of the trip so that if we blew passed a venue or had to find parking, we could still clearly see the street names for blocks around. However, now you're given three dinky boxes, which in their defense do allow you to zoom in and out, but if you zoom in you don't get a better overview of the area.

If you're like me, you also like to see what major streets are ahead of your turn point so that you can prepare and be where you need to be. These small boxes don't make that any easier.

I do however enjoy the fact that someone decided that their users must be so stupid that they needed to put the giant LEFT and RIGHT arrows next to the steps where turns were indicated.

Finally, and this is a feature that is missing on ALL map applications, give me back the ability to get to a place without using the freeways. I live in Los Angeles where sometimes taking side streets is hours faster than taking the freeways. Mapquest offered this ability at one time, but then again, someone somewhere pushed a button and messed it up.

Give me back my giant maps, Google.

[UPDATE 10:39AM] - Yahoo! Maps Beta satisfies my mapping beast.

DON'T MAKE PLANS TO MAKE PLANS

2006-08-02T11:32:00.000-07:00

All the info is there.

MILE HIGH MORONS

2006-07-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

I don't like to travel. My fear of flying aside, it's a miserable experience and it's probably all your fault.

With my job, my yearly travel rate has quadrupled what it ever was prior to working at FOX. Where I used fly maybe once a year, I now might be gone upwards of five or six times. And I'll agree that there are people traveling several times a week, and make my six-average look pathetic, but that doesn't mean it can't drive me nuts.

I also have to note that this post will be based on travels to and from Los Angeles International, O'Hare, Dallas/Ft. Worth and Laguardia. And that most persons trying to catch connecting flights are exempt from this rant.

Airports, as a whole, usually suck pretty hard. LAX is a dump, ORD tries to pretend it's nice, and Laguardia was a war zone each time I've been. All of them hold that jet-exhaust smell and all need some sort of interior make over. Especially you, LAX. However, DFW, while the layout is absurd, it is a nice, clean airport. And it offers FAR more to eat than Burger King and other mid-flight-need-to-shit meals.

I feel like airport terminals are exactly like driving, but without the comfort of having your personal buffer inside your car. Suddenly, you're face-to-face with all those assholes who drift across lanes, can't function with their cell phones on, and generally just have no idea what is going on around them. They stumble around with their mouths open and eyes up, dragging their stupid rolling luggage and holding out their boarding pass for any miserable employee to guide them to their next stop.

And then there's security, which always blows because people don't listen, read or care. When the guy yells out that you have to take your laptop out of your bag, he's not doing that for the benefit of his coworkers. We're all sheep anyway, so just follow the lead of the person in front of you. Not that hard. It's been almost six years since September 11th and security changed. How is it that in six years, people still have no idea that you shouldn't wear clunky boots, you shouldn't wear big jackets, and you shouldn't wear massive belt buckles. Sandals, shorts and a t-shirt. That's the key.

The boarding process always fascinates me. It has now been refined by most airlines to the point where you are "grouped." And that group is a section of people that you board the plane with to avoid the always-present backup on the ramp. Here's what I don't understand. Each and every ticket, except for Southwest, GIVES YOU A SEAT NUMBER. Once the plane starts to board, you get "the herd." That group of people who hang out near the end of the line like it's a race. Relax, you have a seat. And I'm sure sometimes it's so they can get their precious overhead bin space. But you know what? CHECK YOUR BAGS.

Seat etiquette is a thing of the past. Personally, I hate touching people and I really hate when people touch me. Once is fine. But when you continually cross the line designated by the seat break and the arm rest, you need to be smacked. For example, during my latest trip back from DFW, I was plastered against the window because the guy next to me, who was not a large man, felt it was necessary to keep elbowing me and smacking his knees against mine. I'm sorry, but how the hell do you not know you're touching someone else and not in a pleasant manner?

Additional seat etiquette also includes the reclining seat. I always take notice of who is behind me. If it's a kid, I'm putting my seat back because they have plenty of room to spare. But if it's an adult, I'll usually leave my seat upright. If I feel like I want to lean back, I'll unbuckle my belt (always fastened due to fear of flying), turn around and ask, "Hi, is it okay if I put my seat back?" Usually people will say yes because they don't want to look like assholes. However, there are those of you who feel it's necessary to shoot that seat backwards into my knees, or bounce it back upright when I have a tray full of food and drink. You suck. If you're going to do it without asking, at least lower it slowly so I have time to react.

Landing is always an exciting time for me and a perfect gauge to how stupid America is. Most people have flown at least once in their lifetime. In addition, there have been countless movies and TV moments that repeat the phrase, "please put your seats and tray tables in the upright position." EVERYBODY knows that phrase. So why is it that when landing time comes, the crew still has to remind you what you need to do? It's one button and a latch. Is that so hard? You know it's coming, you can feel your ears popping. Yet, you delay, because you suck.

Once you're on the ground, your antics continue. First, there is ALWAYS that ONE person who cannot WAIT to stand up and get their things while the plane is taxiing to the terminal. And every time the crew gets on and says the, "seat belt sign is illuminated" bit. It's cute that you think getting your stuff is going to speed up your exit from the plane, even though there are twenty-some rows in front of you.

Second, the cell phone bonanza. Once that pilot says it's cool to turn them on, the plane becomes a musical festival of power-on tones. Why can't you wait five minutes to get off the plane? Why must you start calling Cindy to find out where she is? Cindy should be smart enough to know what time you're landing, that you might have luggage to check and that it's going to take you ten or more minutes to get to the curb. She should be there anyway. Online flight trackers people. Get one.

Finally, I would talk about baggage claim. But we all know that everyone thinks crowding around the conveyor belt is somehow going to make their stuff come first. OH, and that they only have ONE shot to grab it, because, you know, IT'S NOT A GIANT OVAL AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE YOUR LUGGAGE AGAIN IF IT PASSES.

Aah. I feel better. Too bad you still suck.

I'M BACK, Y'ALL

2006-07-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

More later.

NO, IT'S NOT HOT ENOUGH

2006-07-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

Headed out to Dallas (my first time in TX!) tomorrow to see my friends. So if you're looking for me, I'll probably be off the grid, sweating like a hog.

HOTTT

2006-07-23T16:32:00.000-07:00

There are few things less obnoxious than going into work because that's where the air conditioning is, then leaving a MASSIVE image of yourself on your boss's wall (those are letter sized pages).

That's right, I AM the best.

* Thanks to the Rasterbator and Alison for the photo.

GIDDYUP

2006-07-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

TRY NOT TO SING OUT OF KEY

2006-07-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

So it sounds like The Wonder Years is going to be a tragedy when it's finally released on DVD.

That show is NOTHING without "God Only Knows" playing over the shot of Kevin's bus parting ways with Winnie's bus after they leave the high school joint field trip at the museum.

Weak.

BORAT

2006-07-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

My phone sucks.

SUPERMAN 3D, CARWASH, JILLIAN, GREEN

2006-07-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

THAT SEEMS ABOUT RIGHT

2006-06-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Thanks to Mac.

SUIT WARS

2006-06-21T10:11:00.000-07:00

Connie announces to me that she has a coworker getting married this August and we have been cordially invited. Now, when I hear the word "wedding," my throat starts to feel like it's closing up and the feeling of suffocation begins.

No, no. This isn't a commitment issue. Not at all. This is an "I hate dressing up, and I certainly hate the idea of wearing dress pants and a dress shirt in the middle of August" issue. This issue then fans the smoldering embers of the Suit Wars.

I do not own a suit. I've never needed a suit. I do not want a suit. These statements put me at odds with Connie, who for some reason is surprisingly passionate about the fact that I piss away a couple hundred dollars on something that I might wear once a year. Why not use that money for something we could use every day? Like a sweet TV? Instead, we'll buy a suit...that lives in my closet...covered in plastic...and sees daylight once a year.

Right now, I think the events surrounding my life are pretty stable. Most of my friends have been married for sometime, and there certainly isn't anyone close to kicking off yet (knock on wood). So really...I don't need one. "What about job interviews," you foolishly ask. Well, that's when I put on my $40 GAP pants and my black, silk tie that I got for being in Jeff's wedding about three years ago. This is California, that tie goes a long way.

I also understand that there are affordable options. But that's not the point. It's putting a decorated noose around my neck and then handcuffing my wrists with starched cuffs. It's having to buy a belt and shoes and get all fancied up and losing all sense of comfort.

So ultimately, it's coming down to this. I will indeed buy a suit. And it will either be light tan like you always see drug lords in movies wear, or I'm going Crockett-style.

NERVOUS

2006-06-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

CELEBRITY SIGHTING OF THE DAY

2006-06-19T22:39:00.000-07:00

WHO: Audrina Patridge
WHERE: Quixote Studios
CELEB GRADE: B-

YEEEEEEEEEEAH! That's right. I watch MTV's The Hills, and for awhile I knew that Audrina worked at the studio.

Well today, I was sent there for work related things. And even though one of television's biggest stars was feet from me, it was Audrina I was most excited to see. And I was glad to see that this was an actual job for this kid, not some MTV set up thing.

I had to give her my keys so that people could move my car and never got the nerve to ask her for a photo. Maybe next time.

Previous Celeb Sightings: Breckin Meyer, Seth Rogen, Bob Saget (part 2), Arnold Vosloo, Deep Roy, Kiefer Sutherland, Broken Lizard (Michael Weaver, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske), Joshua Jackson, Jamie Lee Curtis (part 2), Dennis Rodman, Billy Dee Williams, Danica McKellar, Edward Herman, Arden Mytin, Keanu Reeves, Justine Bateman, Carl Reiner, Jessica Simpson, Greg Pitts, Mischa Barton, Jamie Lee Curtis, Luke Perry, The Hilfigers

DON'T LIVE HERE

2006-06-14T17:46:00.000-07:00

In order to share war stories and warn others hunting for homes or apartments, I give you:

DON'T LIVE HERE
It's a Ning app that allows you to locate a war zone and get detailed about what's wrong. Vent about neighboors, loose cats, vagrants or a constant police presence.

Please use. Share with your friends.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING OF THE DAY

2006-05-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

WHO: Breckin Meyer
WHERE: Poinsettia Recreation Center
CELEB GRADE: D-

I don't have the words.

Previous Celeb Sightings: Seth Rogen, Bob Saget (part 2), Arnold Vosloo, Deep Roy, Kiefer Sutherland, Broken Lizard (Michael Weaver, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske), Joshua Jackson, Jamie Lee Curtis (part 2), Dennis Rodman, Billy Dee Williams, Danica McKellar, Edward Herman, Arden Mytin, Keanu Reeves, Justine Bateman, Carl Reiner, Jessica Simpson, Greg Pitts, Mischa Barton, Jamie Lee Curtis, Luke Perry, The Hilfigers

DEVASTATION

2006-05-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

Alfredo, the man I trusted to protect my hair for over two years at the Santa Monica Supercuts location...is gone. He "no longer works" there and the branch doesn't seem to have any forwarding information.

I have no idea what to do. I'm six-seven weeks from my last haircut and now I might cry.

VIRGINIA PARK

2006-05-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

Picnic photos at Virginia Park, Santa Monica.